The 5 best episodes of ‘Doom Patrol’

HBO’s Doom Patrol is on its way down the gullet of that big werebutt in the sky, dropping its final stretch of episodes before it meets the sad fate that awaits all DC productions that didn’t invite James Gunn to their Christmas party. It was, all things considered, an auspicious run: Four seasons, across two streaming services with three names. It outlasted all of its brothers and sisters in the live action DC Universe. It leaned into the weird. Even on days when the budget wasn’t there, and the team was pitted against guys in pink body socks on a blank white set, they still went all-in. 

And so, we bid farewell to the World’s Strangest Heroes in a way we’d like to think Grant Morrison would appreciate: Not with a somber goodbye, but with a long, potentially alienating recollection of some of our favorite interdimensional journeys and encounters with extraterrestrials. 

“Undead Patrol” Image via Max A couple of years later, there’s still so much to love about episode three of Doom Patrol’s third season. The gang was still coming off of their awkward, mid-finale, pandemic-induced early exit in season two. They seemed enthusiastic re: jumping back into the weirdness.

To that point: “Undead Patrol” sees the team reanimated, zombified, putrid and grotesque, in a life-and-death battle with a bigoted former government agent infected with butt transmogrification. They are accompanied by an intermittently gifted amnesiac shapeshifter. In the end, they win the day through friendship, heinous violence, and eating their mentor’s head while he encourages them to do so. Guys, I am going to miss this show so much.

“Fun Size Patrol” Image via Max When Doom Patrol beat the odds and came back for a second season, they went hard with their opening volley. “Fun Size Patrol” gives us more than just a miniaturized adventure in Cliff’s model train town, with Larry making mini breakfast foods for his teammates like they’re YouTube celebrity gerbils. Crucially, it also gave us Timothy Dalton, spinning a parasol, playing a ukulele, and singing “Mrs. Brown You’ve Got A Lovely Daughter” to summon a warlock who hates him and won’t show up otherwise. The season two premiere gets bonus points for the proper introduction of Dorothy Spinner, never not played convincingly by Abi Monterey.

“Vacay Patrol” Image via Max Maybe “Vacay Patrol” isn’t the very best episode of Doom Patrol (I’d argue that it’s close) but it’s hard to think of another entry in the series that better encapsulates the show’s achingly bizarre oeuvre. 

The gang needs a break, so they go to an old-timey lake resort. Unbeknownst to them, a Brotherhood of Evil operative named Garguax the Destroyer has been camped out there for 70 years, waiting for an opportunity to strike. In any other superhero show, this would be the setup for a fight. In Doom Patrol, Robotman and Garguax connect over the bittersweet nature of getting old. Then the gang drinks a bunch. Then they dance. Does the whole thing end with Billy Boyd gunning everyone down with a gatling laser? Yes, thanks for asking. How many other shows can say that?

“Danny Patrol” Image via Max Some kids dream about getting their Hogwarts letter, or being invited to Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters. The more discerning weirdos among us are still waiting for Danny the Street to show up.

Like a lot of Doom Patrol, “Danny Patrol” takes its cues from Grant Morrison’s run of comic books. It introduces us to a contemporary reimagining of Danny the Street, a nonbinary, sentient street that travels the world, picking up the people who fall through the cracks of society. Danny is a friend and a safe, idyllic place, taking care of people when nobody else will. It’s a nice fairy tale. So’s the idea of a place where bullies are outnumbered, and drag queens beat up fascists. If what you’re hearing appeals to your sensibilities, watch this episode, and be ready to get super emotional when you hear the words “I don’t sing” for the rest of your life. For further reasons to love this story, please turn to Karen, the Crazy Jane alter with the power to enslave others into living her ideal, Nora Ephron life.

Genuinely, most of the show Image via Max Hell with it. Doom Patrol ruled. No, it wasn’t a perfect show. It hit some rough patches. It had some filler episodes. The Crazy Jane stories got a little tough to parse, and season two could’ve used a spit shine. Like you’ve never had a bad year.

It also gave viewers a family of broken people with powers that made them more sad than super: A hedonist robbed of the ability to feel, a starlet turned aesthetically grotesque, a closeted gay man afraid to touch anyone for fear of hurting them. Its heroes rarely turned to violence, unless they were in a Paraguayan Nazi compound.  It kept Brendan Fraser working through the Dark Frages and into the Brenaissance, and showed audiences what it would look like if a kaiju rat and a giant cockroach got to third base with one another, and introduced dadaism to the on screen superhero medium. It allowed Michelle Gomez to basically keep playing the same character that she played on Doctor Who, but with shapeshifting powers and the freedom to say the F word. 

This went on for too long and accidentally turned into a love letter to a canceled TV show. It’ll be sad to see it go. “But there are mysterious things in this world that bear keeping an eye on, so go it must.”